Tips on how to de-stress
February 24th, 2007 at 11:09 pm (Productivity, Psychology)
I tend to run at a medium-to-high stress level for a variety of reasons, so anytime I come across good advice for managing stress, I’m all ears.
Lifehacker pointed me to this excellent resource: a list of “52 Proven Stress Reducers”. This list is so full of great stuff that if I were to excerpt all of the ones I agree with and would like to practice, this post would be one big plagiarism. Instead, I’ll highlight my top five favorites:
- Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant. [Or knitting, or a journal, or the How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci Notebook.]
- Don’t put up with something that doesn’t work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers–whatever–are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.
- Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn’t get mowed this weekend.
- Do something for somebody else.
- Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.
Many of these are, really, common sense — but they get forgotten enough that the reminder alone has value. I manage to be continually surprised by how effective #4 is, not just at reducing stress but also at making your day a fabulous one. Really, it works!
There are a couple of techniques I’ve found effective that did not appear on this list.
- Get some physical exercise (like ballroom dancing or hiking, for me). Inevitably, after a dance class or a dance evening or a hike in the San Gabriels, I simply *cannot* feel stressed or unhappy. There’s too much good endorphin stuff flowing through the body to permit fretting or fussing.
- Spend more time on processing. Most of my time is spent on input (reading books, watching movies, attending classes, studying papers, browsing the web, etc.) or output (writing papers, writing email, posting to this weblog, talking to people, etc.). I recently realized that there’s an important third category, which for lack of a better word I refer to as “processing.” This is time when you’re neither taking input or producing output, but just chewing over things that you’ve already observed. Some people call this meditation or contemplation or daydreaming. It has powerful anti-stress properties.
- Refresh your perspective every four weeks. Each time I get a significant break from my day-to-day routine (e.g., a week visiting family or a train ride to Santa Barbara), I am suddenly able to step back and re-assess my priorities and highlight what really matters. Focusing on those items immediately de-stresses me. For whatever reason, after a few weeks I start to lose touch with it, and I’m again consumed with daily demands on my time. I can’t pull myself back far enough without a real separation of some sort (time or space). I’m finding that these breaks are so useful as to be something I should consciously plan for.
Any other de-stressing tips you can offer? I’d love to hear ’em!
geoff said,
February 26, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Nice post. I’d like to add that for me, there are two categories: stress level and focus level. I don’t actually mind it when I’m stressed and focused, that’s normal. It’s when I’m feeling stressed and unfocused that I feel frazzled and out of control, and then I have to go back to meditation/contemplation, escapes such as travel and movies, or super fun types of exercise (for me it would be snowboarding). Hm, you may have inspired another blog post out of me. :)
Elizabeth said,
February 26, 2007 at 6:30 pm
These are great in that they go way beyond the platitudes one usually hears about stress (“light a candle…breathe deeply…take a bath…”). The ones you added are even more insightful. The one I find hardest to follow is #14, “lower your standards.” But…but…!! It’s hard.
Here are a few addenda to the list:
I agree that things that are not needs are dispensable, but as a corollary to that, things that are needs are not dispensable! It sounds obvious, but in practice, eating regularly, drinking enough water and getting adequate sleep are often the first to go when we’re overworked, and also the quickest ways to get sick.
Schedule time to be with friends just as you would schedule time for work projects. It’s been proven that people with strong social networks live longer and are less prone to both depression and heart disease.
Have the courage to talk about your mistakes with trusted others. I have found that when I feel embarrassed or ashamed about a mistake, my instinct is to keep it to myself, which leads to feeling like I’m the only one in the world who has ever been so dumb. When I ‘fess up, I discover a world of understanding and support I didn’t know was there.
And one more tip, for Kiri only: Call or write to Elizabeth. ;)
jim said,
February 27, 2007 at 8:59 am
These are great ways to relieve the symptoms, but what of the underlying causes? Do you have any thoughts on why you allow yourself to be stressed out in the first place? (And by this, stress == to the point of negative return.) I was fascinated when I bucketed all of the waking hours I spend during the week.
I’d argue that one *needs* stress to grow, but productive stress, as Geoff suggests, is the positive force. Flailing around, worrying, is not.
#24, getting enough sleep, is the hardest for me because there’s so much I want to do. For example, writing a letter to a friend, while not essential, does bring enjoyment. Even if it keeps me up ten minutes longer, it’s worth preserving the social connection Elizabeth suggested.
Considering the time wasted in airports, #11 is bogus. However, I have been dealing with meetings bettery by starting them on the dot, refusing to recap for anything people missed. Meetings now end on time. :)
stough said,
February 27, 2007 at 9:51 am
Many of theses are easier said than done, this one, especially, but pursuant to our conversation this morning:
1) Know when it’s not your problem.
2) Inform those whose problem it actually is.
3) Wash your hands of it.
Many times things that should not be your problem are in the critical path and become your problem, but maybe you can change the end goal (descope) if others aren’t keeping up their end. :)
Cheers,
Tim.
geoff said,
March 1, 2007 at 7:47 am
Fascinating. I think Tim is getting at one of the classic root causes of stress: limited resources, and thus team members not doing all that they can do in order to support the rest of the team. It would be nice to wash your hands of everything you delegate, but not all of those things will actually get done, for various reasons, some wholesome (your teammate had a baby), some not (your teammate is lazy). And then you feel bad because your team’s work reflects badly on you. This is not something that will ever go away, so good teams are ones that communicate needs, priorities, and consequences effectively, in addition to having solid players.
wkiri said,
March 5, 2007 at 9:41 pm
I *love* all of these great suggestions. Thank you all! (I love having smart friends.)
Geoff: I like your separation of stress and focus. I think I already try to achieve this, to some degree: when I find myself going nuts fretting about too many impending things, I mentally draw a box around the next five or ten minutes and force myself to only think about what’s happening in that box. I think this helps me increase my focus level, like you’re saying. Thanks for the articulation — I hadn’t quite thought about it that way before.
Elizabeth: You are an excellent motivator for the “schedule time with friends” tip, even when you are remote. I know I can always sit down and chat with you with pen and paper, and that *is* a source of relaxation in my life. :) I also like your point about sharing mistakes — it makes a lot of sense that an embarrassment hanging over your head could add to your stress level, and somehow, talking about these things with a friend does wonders to dispel that pressure. Thanks!
Jim: I originally started this post with a brief analysis of why I would describe myself as tending to run at a “medium to high” stress level — but then decided I would refrain from boring my audience with navel-gazing and get onto the good stuff. But you’re absolutely right that reflecting on these causes is an excellent step towards reducing their impact on your life — or perhaps discovering that yes, you really are doing it to yourself. :)
Tim: Thanks for encapsulating this advice here. :) Your tips on dealing with chronic slackers (and my own tendency to make things into “my problem”) have been very helpful — I’ve already seen immediate benefits, as you know!
Sabrina said,
June 20, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Breathe – As simple as it may sound, it’s importance and effectiveness are often overlooked. Deep cleansing breaths. I noticed that many people (myself included) tend to hold their breath when doing something that requires concentration and/or precision. When I realize that I’m doing this, I stop and take a deep breath, let it out, and I feel less stressed.
passerby said,
June 22, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Stress is lingering thought. The body and mind jointly focusing on a single act can remove thought. Rope walking for example. Gymnastics. Yoga. Ballet.
jolion said,
June 25, 2007 at 8:29 pm
nice post!… theres another way with which stress can be busted quiet effectively….it can even lead to a total annihilation of stress altogether…. the method is to ‘watch’ what your mind is engaged with….for example if your mind is thinking…just WATCH it thinking ..dont get associated with the thought…just relax and see what it conjures up.. u might notice how all thoughts are continuous one thought leads to the next and so forth… after a little practice you will feel a little distance building up between the real you and your mind after all isn’t the mind a bunch of thoughts?… once this distance is big enough one loses the attachments one has and is no more IN the problem but just silently watching from a distance… it really works!!!